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Ugh, what have I been writing? I’m at the barbershop, waiting for my turn to get a haircut, checking the website to see if the interface and interactions are functioning properly, but it just hit me that the wording and phrases I used felt cringe, oily, and sticky; yuck 🤢.

Welp, it is better than nothing, I guess, having a personal void to shout into and having the ability to create a platform for myself.

Also, what is this, Firefox? I love you so much, but could you please support view transitions soon? I am already in love with the vertical tabs, and I am ready for some slick animations.

The biggest hurdle (or excuse, really) that prevented me from starting to work on this or any other projects sooner was that I always overthought, and the endless possibilities that never manifested in real life paralyzed me.

I always envision what perfection feels like, but the reality is that everything is gray, muddy, and messy. Nothing can be as clean as mathematical formulas, but even they have applicable scopes.

Just last morning, I was arguing with my partner that I always procrastinate until the very last minute to do anything. But, man, why do I have so little motivation? Why do I have to exert so much energy just to get started on anything? The outcomes look so pristine in my mind, yet I know for a fact they will never work the way I intended them to. It is a paradoxical internal conflict that I could never reconcile.

I guess I fear failure, but I also fear success. I don’t know why I’d think anyone would give a shit; there are so many fun things in life that most of what I do will just fade into nothingness in no time at all. I need to recognize that I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and I should simply be brave and do the things I really, really want to.

So, here I am, leaning heavily into the power of anonymity, acting like a monkey pounding profusely on a typewriter, proclaiming to the darkness that here I am, here I smear a mark to indicate I ever existed.

I still want to be employable and remain employed, at least until I’ve amassed enough fortune for the remainder of my lifetime. Yet, I have so many interests and fantasies that are best left unassociated with my primary personas, for I have such a thin face that, if unveiled, would quickly redden.

I want to use this platform only for my raw, unfiltered thoughts; I am going to erect some other platforms — at least one simply for the technical, professional side of things and another filled with frivolous horny dreams.

I don’t think I will honor a specific timeline to update these websites, though; things will have to depend on my mood. For now, the dread of thinking about the action items of various competing priorities continues to haunt me, while the need to nurse my possessions, feed my addictions, and confront my desires continues to sap my diminishing energy.

Anyway, I’m fighting the urge to assume a fetal position and just lie in my metaphorical comfort zone, combating the frictions and irritations caused by many aspects of being alive, trekking through this jungle of a universe alone, not sure if I am on the “right track.” Here I am, greeting you, humans or machines alike: thank you for taking the time to read through this jumbled mess. I sincerely wish you a good day and hope never to meet you in real life.